So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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