i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have aggressive nipples.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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