R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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