mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
