Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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