Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
