Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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