Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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