I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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