So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
