She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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