I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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