Non-Jews are for practice
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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