I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
