If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
