I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
