I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
