The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
