I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He has the fingertips of a God
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize