Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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