I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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