My hand turned me down
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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