when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
God, I missed his penis.
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