I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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