omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Enjoy the penises
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
