and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
