We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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