I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
