The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
