God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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