You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
