five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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