I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
