no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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