Already got asked if we're dating
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
