I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
