If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Non-Jews are for practice
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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