Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
