i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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