And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
