I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Someone signed my nipple.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
