What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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