This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
