Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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