Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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