Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize