tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
