Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
