your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
