it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
