I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
