areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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