I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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