So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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