his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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