can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize