I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
