for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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