Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
