Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
