i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
