I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize