Welp...herpes.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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