At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
