dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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