How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
