I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
