I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
