i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
