soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
