And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
