We won't sleep together?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
