im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
