i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
