im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i think i just lost a toe
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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