Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
