I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
