i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
